Imagine a young artist, Emma, who spends countless hours perfecting her craft. She pours her heart into every brushstroke, dreaming of the day her work will be admired in galleries.

One day, she scrolls through social media and sees another artist's work—polished, vibrant, and already celebrated by thousands. Instantly, a pang of inadequacy washes over her.

She begins to question her talent and worth, not because her work has diminished, but because she is now viewing it through the lens of comparison.

This simple story reminds me of a famous quote from Theodore Roosevelt.

I had to think about this quote for some time to understand what Roosevelt meant.

But the more I think about it, the more I reflect on the countless individuals who are in a constant battle within, where self-comparison silently erodes their self-worth and joy.

This tendency to measure ourselves against others is amplified in today's interconnected world. But can humans ever not compare?

Well to answer that we need an idea of what self-comparison is and why it is a problem to some.

Self-comparison is an innate part of being human, but it can be a double-edged sword. While it can inspire growth and self-improvement, it can also become a trap, of being controlled by others and disturbing our inner peace.

When it becomes excessive, it ceases to be helpful. Preventing you from becoming the highest version of yourself and not moving towards your totality.

No matter if you're at the top or bottom of value most people tend to compare.

Value is determined by the hierarchies and the social status built into human nature.

This creates the illusion of separation through comparison and leads individuals to constantly measure their worth against others.

While there can be positive and negative aspects to self-comparison, the problem lies in the negative side. Negative self-comparison makes you:

Negative Self-comparison makes you:

Now you or someone you know might have experienced some of these effects but I'm sure you've seen people live in the Delusion of perfection.

By self-comparing you may allude to the idea that the person or thing is perfected.

Dan Koe makes a good point with this tweet:

Perfection of others is an illusion.

Human beings are complex. Making it almost impossible to avoid mistakes and imperfections.

Now is that to say there's nothing perfect? I don't know. I'll sprinkle some Alan Watts to possibly answer that question:

Have you ever seen an imperfect cloud?

(I encourage you to re that again, pause and think about that then move on.) :)

To understand social comparison, we should look at a psychologist, Leon Festinger, who spent his life work on this topic. He suggested people have an innate drive to evaluate themselves by comparing to others. With this, he came up with:

Social comparison theory

The social comparison theory posits that individuals evaluate their abilities, achievements, and self-worth by comparing themselves to others. Highlighting the belief that media influence, social status, and other forms of competitiveness can affect our self-esteem and mood.

Commonly, we compare with something we think is greater or lesser than us.

The hierarchy system is one of the reasons we do this.

Anthropologists have found evidence of social hierarchies in virtually all human societies, from the first hunter-gatherers to ancient civilizations like the Mayans and Egyptians, through medieval Europe, and into modern-day societies.

The ways of the past have influenced and shaped the way we do things now.

If you're at the top of a hierarchy, you must constantly compare yourself to others to maintain your position. If you're at the bottom, you aspire to reach the top.

Festinger wrote this concept as an upward and downward comparison.

Upward Comparison: We tend to compare ourselves to those we perceive as better off or more successful. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy and envy but can also motivate and inspire us to improve.

Downward Comparison: We tend to compare ourselves to those we perceive as worse off or less successful. This can lead to complacency but can also boost self-esteem and provide reassurance.

According to Festinger, self-comparison creates positive and negative results. Changing the way we compare determines the result.

With the idea of positive and negative comparison, it's important to consider that self-comparison has a large part in what kind of mindset you have.

Mindset has a big part in how you perceive the world and other people, which determines how it affects your actions.

Growth Mindset = Positive Comparison

Fixed Mindset = Negative Comparison

People with growth mindsets compare to

People with fixed mindsets compares to

Self-comparison is a tool dependent on what kind of mindset you have.

(I will be writing more about the type of mindsets, but feel free to do your research to understand what mindset you currently have and if it's beneficial)

Difference between comparison and competition

Competition is a tool one can use to self-actualize and achieve one's own goals. Which can be enhanced with comparison.

Can you avoid competition as a human? Some may say life is competition. Competing against others in status, money, sports, dating, physique, and more.

Recently, a wave of masculinity perspectives has hit social media.

People like Andrew Tate profess this idea that life is competition and life is war.

Now this can be a good perspective to emulate and is almost needed to improve as a man.

Jordan Peterson says not to compete with others but instead:

For example, I took basketball seriously in high school and set the goal to play in college.

I would watch the best players in the NBA and College to motivate me.

I became decently skilled from practicing and training. Even compared myself to players like Kobe, Lebron, Michael Jordan, or any of the best.

Most of the drive came intrinsically, by comparing myself with my past self. How many points did I score last season? Did I improve my ball handling? What about my three-point shooting?

Using comparison externally helped gauge where I was at, but the internal comparison pushed me past my edge.

So it got me thinking, can competition exist independently from comparison?

Animals compete for food in the wild based on an instinct to survive and don't compare themselves to other animals.

This means.....

A by-product of socialization.

Competition is a survival creation.

A by-product of evolutionary pressures.

We are naturally inclined to become social in society. To develop we conform to our parents', teachers', and families' way of perceiving the world.

Especially in school, we gravitate towards the need for social groups. However, If you compare yourself to a group and lack arises, you may conform to their standards to feel accepted.

Comparison can be a driving force behind conformity.

A driving force because comparison is more internal, psychologically. While conformity is more outward, behaviorally.

Meaning we conform because we compare. This is done in numerous ways.

From childhood, we are trained to compare through:

By conforming we lose our individuality.

Carl Jung and Ralph Waldo Emerson advocated to not conform.

Jung believed that excessive conformity could stifle individual growth and prevent people from achieving self-realization.

Emerson wrote about conformity in his book Self-Reliance.

He argued that nonconformity is essential for personal and societal progress. The great individuals who made significant contributions to society were often nonconformists who challenged the status quo.

Living in accord with external expectations leads us away from authenticity.

Authenticity is becoming more and more valuable. Especially as AI develops and more fabrication occurs.

In spiritual terms, comparison can only exist when there is a subject and object. That is, there has to be a self to compare.

Division only exists in the human ego.

In most Eastern philosophies, the ego is seen as an illusion that separates us from our true nature which is no-self or the Anattā.

For the ego to compare it requires the evaluation of one fixed quality against another which leads to judgements.

With the ego, we produce attributes, which need a relation to exist.

Here, is a great passage from the Tao Te Ching to complement this idea.

(Highly recommend the book, I will be referencing it in my future writing due to its profound insights)

This wisdom and observation of comparing can be found back in the BCs when the Tao Te Ching was said to be written.

But now we need this wisdom more than ever.

In the digital age, the ego becomes very active and stimulated.

With a more active ego, the more comparisons we are going to make.

We are exposed to almost unlimited ways a human can live. This exposure guarantees an increased chance of the ego comparing.

You can see this from influencers where they make unrealistic expectations.

The aim of this letter is not to say stop comparing. Even if you tried, depending on your social conditions, your ego will likely resort to comparing.

This letter is to increase your awareness of your self-comparing. To question why you compare to people, and whether you're conscious of it or not.

Negative self-comparison can hold people back from living true to themselves and becoming their best possible version.

A version that is confident, focused, self-determined, and purposeful.

Comparing may lead to conforming which if you study any psychologist or philosopher, conformity is seen as a path away from self-actualization, realizing one's full potential.

However, comparison is unavoidable when we have an ego.

To be social and human, we need an ego.

Everyone will succumb to negative self-comparison at some point in life. However, changing one's mindset and awareness determines the way self-comparison can affect you.

1) Identify and become aware of your mind: The next time you find your mind comparing, go into that thought and explore why. Why do you think and feel that way?

2) Practice focusing on your progress and personal growth: Don’t focus on how your journey compares to others. Do this by setting your own goals and vision.

3) Question what you were told was the way to live: Is getting that job right for me? Is going to college worth it? Is the media telling the truth? Are my beliefs and thoughts my own?

4) Set time to be alone: Set a day to go into solitude away from social groups. Spend the whole day watching your thoughts, and set 30-minute blocks of just meditating. Counting your breath to 10 and back down.

4) Limit social media use: Reduce consumption, use it to learn and improve yourself. Delete the apps for a bit if you find yourself mindlessly scrolling.

5) Accept imperfection: Come to terms with humans imperfection. Use religion or philosophy to understand and accept this.

6) Learn to love enough: The more you want, the more you will always want.

J Cole has a famous song called Love Yourz.

There’s always going to be a bigger house.

There’s always going to be a better car.

There’s always going to be fresher clothes.

But you ain't never gon' be happy 'til you love yours.

Thanks for reading, I appreciate you and be great. :)